now im really confused. i talked to him last night and it was a hell of an opening up session. he's good at making me do that. i still dont know how he does it. in a way, it felt really really really good to be able to talk to him like that, just rage out everything and still keep that serene talk. serene, blah. he has a crush with that name. so i guess i shouldnt be bothered huh? but guess what.. i am.. i remeber what he said last night, its hard being jealouse, and i would agree to that. for the past month, i have been jeaoulse. but of course, i wouldnt tell him that,or anyone for that matter. im still hoping, and it hurts..........

arghhh, this has been a real crappy month for me. honestly? i have no idea why. being totally annoyed with people is one thing, but going berserk and raving like a lunatic to your friend is another. i feel so mean and just a major bitch :( i've never acted this way, ever. especially to my friend. i know im being unfair on his part, still... can't help feeling that way. the thing is, i was totally psyched when i got this letter from him, and he asked me to be his prom date :) to the point of crying for reasons i dont really know. maybe... i dunno.... something inside of me... i really cant say.... one of his favorite songs is playing in the background. ever had this friend that you just cant stand not talking to even for a day? and if ever that happens, you miss him a lot and both of you just talk non stop when you guys do get to talk? its like that. i didnt really talk to him that long last night, and today? i have no idea what will happen..
its been really sad on my part although i dont plan on telling him that. do i ...??? i really dont know..... but im still happy and just the thought that something, hopefully, dreamfully will happen? is making my heart fly
... i think im gonna call